Cheated by Life...

I feel like life has cheated me out of some of the best things out there. Life has been cheating me out of stuff from the day I was born. A simple example, Life has made and decided that I should be tall, which has cheated me out of wearing certain types of clothes, and means I have to search through massive amounts of stores before I can find a pair of pants, jeans, shirts, jumpers, etc. that fit me. I have size 46 shoes, which means I went to three cities to find a pair of sneakers that fit me in the model I wanted to buy, and means that my feet don't fit in certain makes of shoes because they are a different shape. Those are simple examples of me being cheated by life.

Life has cheated me because the thing I wanted most over the past year, and in the future, I can't have. Circumstances can be worked with if you want something bad enough, which I did, yet still it wasn't good enough, I wasn't good enough. Still the effort I put into it wasn't good enough for life, as life decided that I wasn't going to get what I wanted. Life didn't bother to think that what I wanted, and deserve, was right there. Life screwed me by not having a little patience and giving me the time I deserve to have what I wanted. I can't change what I've experienced over my life, and I can't change what point I have reached in my life, but to screw me over because I couldn't show who I really am, what I stand for and why I made my choices, most importantly what I'm capable of, and not bothering to find out, is a punch below the belt. Why is it when I want to be happy and make those choices that make me happy (however much they change me in the future), Life decides that those choices aren't good enough? Why? What is it about me that gives Life the right to screw me over? And would it have been any different if I had a little more experience with Life? Don't the choices you make for your future form you as much as the choices you've made in the past? Don't the things you want to see and experience in the future count as much towards who you are, as the things you've seen and experienced? The past can't be changed, and just because you've seen and done things in the past doesn't mean you're fixed to be that person. Life seems to have decided that there is no such thing as potential. Even though potential doesn't always show up, it should never be ignored, or taken away.

WHO IS LIFE TO CHEAT ME OUT OF SOMETHING I WANTED, IN THIS MANNER, WITHOUT GIVING ME THE CHANCE TO REALISE THE POTENTIAL IT HAD? I DESERVED THAT CHANCE...I WORKED HARD FOR THAT CHANCE...

Life seems to have hidden four aces up its sleeve while playing poker with me over the past year, and that makes not having what I had all the more difficult to accept.

SCREW WITH LIFE, BECAUSE IT WILL CERTAINLY SCREW WITH YOU....

My Top 5 women's fashion hates...

I love women but there are just some things I can't accept and are instant turn-offs for me:

1. The short tight bermudas/trousers that are worn in the winter or while going out.
2. The skinny jeans: Just the thought that you've spent I don't know how long squeezing yourself into those tiny jeans, and the thought that they're a bitch to get off doesn't appeal to me.
3. The pointy toe flat shoes: Those stupid flat type shoes that have the pointy toes. Made even worse if they have a small thin pointy heel (not a deal breaker though).
   
4. The furry boots or ugh boots: Based on the Ugh boots, they look stupid and they were originally made for indoor use only, they only looked good on the person that made them all that at the start, Elle MacPherson (lets face it, she looks good in anything).
5. The Gucci or any other super tacky designer bag: lets face it, you'll either be way too high maintenance or way above my standards...

But a cool, funny, interesting, and intriguing personality will definitely always turn me on, even though you might be wearing the above fashion atrocities...

Lists...the expert's answer to everything...

It doesn't matter what you're asked to do there always seems to be a list involved. SWOT analyses are glorified lists. Excel files are also all glorified lists. There is very little that can't be defined as a list. A problem with lists is that they can backfire. It's as simple as with statistics, if you put in the wrong type of stats and try and find relationships between two variables which are completely unrelated, for example rainfall and visits to the toilet, you might find a connection but it will not really mean anything. What's even more frustrating is that when we're asked to list something because the list is supposed to help us in some way, and we do so, but the list ends up showing something completely the opposite and we end up even further from home. Not only is this frustrating, but it sends the wrong messages. You're so focused on the fact that you'll get a definite answer from your pretty list that it hits you twice as hard if the list fails to give you meaningful results. It is equally frustrating when your fantastic list gives you different results to what you were expecting. After compiling several lists on particular subjects and not getting the results I was hoping for, I have all but given up on lists and their results. The problem is obviously me because I should accept the results as truth, according to experts, but maybe its better to find out how we can use the results to gain some sort of benefit.

These expectations that we attach to lists are equally important in other situations. When you play a sport that's primarily a one-on-one sport its best for your mental resolve to always expect that your opponent will pull off that one crazy shot or action that will win the game. It smooths out the mental roller coaster that we go through. But can we do this for other situations besides competition, sport, and lists? Can we smooth out the highs and lows we experience that are common to the expectations we and others have when it comes to the choices we make in our life? Can we cope with others and our own expectations? And in what way are our own expectations formed by the expectations that others have of us? There are enough examples in the sports world where the parents expectations break up the person that has to live up to those expectations. The suicide rate of Japanese teenagers is the highest in the world because they are expected to perform to crazy standards by parents and institutions alike. I'm not saying that we should set goals and expectations to a low level which we can achieve easily, I wouldn't be running if that was my opinion, but we should become more aware of how expectation influence us.

What is more difficult is to make a choice while expecting to get negative results even though there is a chance that the results might be great. However, I still need a little more time to think on this subject. It's a subject for another time and for the Comments column...

A comment on Happiness...

After another sleepless night with a nagging question in my head I got to thinking about whether there is such a thing as being 100% happy. I use being happy in the context of being content with what you have in life, I don't care whether all the money in the world or living in the street makes you happy, as long as it's what you want. I take the position that there is no such thing as being 100% happy, there are always little things that I'm not satisfied with. However, it is my goal to be as happy as possible in the situation I'm in at that moment, and grasping every opportunity that may be out there to be that little bit more happy, without losing the stuff I've got unless the sacrifice is worth it. Now this may mean being satisfied with 75% happiness. The problem with this is that when you've tasted a period of 90% happiness (I believe this is about as high as you can go on the happiness scale), it becomes extremely difficult to accept the 75% you have at that moment.

Another problem is the humans insatiable desire to be happy. We want to reach that 100% mark all the time, every time, and the question is whether we lose sight of what we have at that moment that made us so happy. It also leads us to wondering whether there is something better out there. There's a Dutch proverb: Andermans grass is altijd groener, which translated freely means: The other guy's grass is always greener. With modern society being focused on success, money and living up to the expectations of others, it's fairly easy to look at the guy next door and ask yourself why it is that he's so much more better off than you are. This leads to wanting to find the other person's level of happiness or means to happiness without looking at ourselves and what makes us happy. The problem this creates in our search for happiness is that we may take one step forwards towards happiness after having taken five steps backwards searching for someone else's level of happiness. Not an ideal situation. I tend to do this particularly when I'm in a bad mood and feeling sorry for myself. I start asking myself why I can't do stuff others can, like getting the 0.3 extra points to get a higher mark. Mostly I tend to ask myself why I can't play golf like Ernie Els, and what did I do to not deserve that sort of talent so that I could make my hobby my profession. Inevitably I snap out of that and concentrate on what I have got going for me. I'm not the most stupid person in the world (being a Master's university student you automatically fall in the top 20% on the "smart" scale in Holland), I'm half decent looking, I've seen and learned more about the world than most others, I've achieved the goals I set for my studies, and I have a good set of family and friends. In the end when I think about it I will never fall below that 75% happiness mark, since that's basically my base level, and I'm fortunate to have such a high base level.

The question remains, when I'm in that bad mood or not sleeping because I'm thinking about my happiness and cursing myself for the choices I've made to achieve a form of happiness that is not my own, will I be big and brave enough to admit my mistake of letting the things go that made me 90% happy. In the end everyone deserves their own high level of happiness, and that can be achieved by recognising those factors that make you happy, and holding on to those, or getting them back if you feel you've let them go, probably the hardest thing to do. The things that are most important are always the most difficult to achieve and hold on to, and I guess there is no right or wrong way to achieving happiness.

Top 5 niggling injuries you get from running...

This is my second Top 5 list. Although I'm not much of a fan of lists they can be good to warn or show stuff more clearly. So here's my list of niggling (small) injuries that you might get when training for a long run:

1. Bleeding nipples: Maybe a little too personal, but this injury is extremely irritating and caused by your shirt rubbing against your nipples while you run.
2. Nails falling off: If you wear shoes that are too small, you're going to get stubbed or blue toes, and eventually your toenails might fall off, buy running shoes that are a size larger than normal.
3. Shin splits: Its an injury thats caused by the constant pounding on your shin bones from running on hard surfaces, 4 times your bodyweight goes through your heels and legs at impact.
4. Whiplash: Not the whiplash in your nek, but in your calves. Can just shoot down your calf muscle if you don't warm up or stretch properly.
5. Nagging pain caused by tight muscles: As you train your muscles in your legs get stronger and bigger. If you don't stretch properly those muscles pull on your tendons and joints causing a continuous pain. STRETCH, STRETCH, STRETCH, is the only remedy.

From personal experience all these small injuries really stink and are extremely irritating. Warm up and stretch is the only remedy to keeping injury free. You can prevent injury number 1 by using vasaline. Enjoy your running...

Choices made are consequences accepted...

It irritates me that decisions have to be made without realising the consequences of those choices. Life would be a whole lot more easy, although a lot more boring, if we could see all possible consequences of the decisions we make. Of course this holds less for the more simple decisions we make. If I decide to kick a tree bare foot, I've accepted the consequence of having a fair amount of pain and a splinter or two in my foot. However, if I decide that the happiness gained by kicking the tree is greater than the pain I will experience, I will kick the tree, even though some others might not agree with me. This reasoning also applies to me running two marathons in quick succession. It's guaranteed that this is going to be the most unpleasant activity that I can go through physically, but the happiness gained from achieving a goal will far outweigh the pain. In many ways this is how I tend to make decisions that affect my current and future happiness.

However, going through the process of pitching the idea of running a marathon, let alone two, to others, I became more aware that people give the reason for not going through with it as that I would be happier if I make a different choice. Thinking back, the same thing occurs throughout the choices you make or the situations you face while living your life, and it pisses me off that people presume that their choice or advice is best for your happiness. I make the choices, with the cards I'm dealt, that make me happy and its frustrating to feel that others have taken that choice away from you by saying that certain things are best for you. Whether the choices I make involves education decisions, weekend plans, summer plans, relationship ideas or career choices, the primary person affected by the choice I make is myself. Although I am the type of person that thinks a lot on how my choice will affect others (not always a bad thing), the person most affected by my decision is me, and the decisions I make are the ones that make me happy, and should not be doubted when it comes to their intention. From this perspective the decisions made by others, that involve me, should be based on their own happiness and not on mine, and not presume that their choice will make me any more or less happy or let me not miss out on something.

So far my choices haven't backfired on me yet, there is no choice that I have huge regrets about. Additionally, I have no doubt that my choice to train for and run two marathons this year will not be a choice I will live to regret. My succes in decision-making can be shown through one clear example: I have yet to kick a tree.

The Natural Highs Gained Through Exercise...

In a world filled with drugs few people realise that any form of exercise creates the best high on a budget. Just to get some politics with drugs straightened out. Holland has a tolerant policy towards soft drugs, they are not fully legalised. Basically, you're allowed to have 5 grams of soft drugs in your possession at any one time, and each household is allowed to grow 5 marijuana plants in their backyard or greenhouse if they want to and only get arrested if the policeman is in a really bad mood, or you're causing some form of unrest. I'm sure that neighbours with little kids aren't going to be too pleased with you growing your weed outside their kid's bedroom window, and the "oregano" excuse doesn't work as well as it used to, so don't piss off more people than necessary when growing your own stash. This gedoog (tolerant) policy has made drugs (at least soft drugs and other 'natural' drugs like magic mushrooms) much less of a problem in Holland, and contrary to belief we are not a generation thats permanently stoned because drugs are easily available. If anything there are less problems with drugs because its not that special to smoke a splif in Holland.

Back to serotonins...formally known as 5-HT, its a neurotransmitter or chemical made by the brain and affects the body temperature, mood (its an anti-depressant), sleep, appetite, and sex drive. To get an extreme rush of serotonin take an XTC pill because XTC stimulates the brain to produce massive amounts of serotonin. The production of serotonin in the brain during exercise leads to a so-called "runner's high", one more reason to run. The second drug produced through exercise is dopamine. Dopamine is a "feel good" drug or chemical which other drugs such as cocaine, heroin, and marijuana induce or copy. Dopamine can also be copied by using coffee, cigarettes or alcohol. If you haven't experienced a dopamine rush through exercise or any of the above drugs you've probably experienced it through engaging in a different form of exercise, sex. Unfortunately, the levels of dopamine and serotonin decrease the longer you're together, after about 3 months of great highs you're less likely to experience those fantastic rushes. So get exercising to keep those drugs circulating and the libido going.

So remember, while its raining outside and you're laying on the couch or any other place with your significant other experiencing dopamine and serotonin highs, spare a thought for me running in that same rain trying to get a little high as well.